If Caleb Picked the Oscars and Made Up His Own Categories, 2013 Edition

Best Picture If It Weren't for the Blasted HandyCam: Beasts of the Southern Wilds (Special Mention: Les Miserables)
Best Film No One Saw: The Queen of Versailles
Most Surprisingly Awesome Film: ParaNorman
Most Surprisingly Awful Film / Biggest Disappointment: Prometheus (Special Mentions: The Dark Knight Rises, Brave)
Best Body Horror Moment Since Cronenberg Quit Horror: Looper
Best Superhero Film: The Avengers (Well, no shit)
Most Useless, Underbaked, Unwanted Film: The Amazing Spider-Man
Best Wes Anderson Film: Moonrise Kingdom
Best Propaganda Piece: Zero Dark Thirty
Best What the Fuck Did I Just Watch: The Cabin in the Woods (Special Mention: Safety Not Guaranteed)
Most Overrated Sequel That Is Actually Good But Not Nearly As Good As Everyone Says: Skyfall
Best Piece of Overrated Oscar-Bait: Lincoln
Best Forgettable Mediocrity No One Would Be Talking About If Pixar Hadn't Dropped the Ball This Year: Wreck-It Ralph
Weirdest Off-Beat Comedy That I Have No Idea What to Do With: Bernie (Special Mention: Safety Not Guaranteed)
Most Surprisingly Hilarious Comedy: 21 Jump Street
Most Chronologically Unfortunate Subject Matter for a Superhero Film: Chronicle
Best Picture I Expected to Hate But Actually Kinda Liked In Total Spite of myself: The Perks of Being a Wallflower